Foreign Service Reading List
A Moveable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship Without Breaking It
Overseas, we Foreign Service folk get together often, and we talk. We talk about problems with the international school, the crazy local drivers, and where to find tortilla chips or a bargain on a handmade rug.
But there's one thing we rarely talk about: the effects of an international move (or repeated moves) on our marriages.
In her latest book, Canadian Foreign Service spouse and writer Robin Pascoe addresses this important and long-neglected question. Moving, especially moving overseas, places unique stresses on a marriage. And while couples rush around to prepare their children, pets, household effects, and even their cars for a move, they often forget that their relationship needs preparation as well for the changes to come.
This useful 183-page paperback, written in Pascoe's trademark honest and breezy style, points out the bumps and roadblocks that couples may face as they move. Communication failures between partners, companies that act as if spouses don't exist, and spousal career frustrations are just some of these.
Pascoe bravely lifts the curtain on the marital disagreements in her own life. In addition, subjects such as sexual problems, infidelity and partner abuse are addressed with candor. The book's eight chapters include "Isolation and Dependence," "Money, Sex and Intimacy," and "When a Moveable Marriage Goes Wrong."
Of course, the more prosaic aspects of a marital or family move are admirably covered as well, such as parenting, support (or lack of it) from the employer, and the division of labor during and after the move.
A minor quibble on my part is that the book is clearly addressed to married women rather than partners in general, but much of the advice is relevant to anyone relocating with a partner. I hope male employees, accompanying husbands, unmarried and gay partners will read it as well.A marriage or relationship can become stronger through a move -- if proper attention is paid to it. This book will help mobile couples do just that. I recommend it highly.
Reviewed by Patricia Linderman.
AAFSW's "Personal and Confidential" columnist Patricia Linderman is also co-author of The Expert Expatriate: Your Guide to Successful Relocation Abroad and Associate Editor of the website Tales from a Small Planet.