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And Now a Word for our Sponsors...
My recent move to an embassy at a large hardship post was the most problematic in my husband's twenty-year Foreign Service career. Some of the twists and turns were unavoidable, unfortunate mishaps. Other problems occurred because those involved did not anticipate them. There is no point in rehashing the problems here. I cannot change what happened to me, but I can contribute to the body of information on sponsorship and hope that my experience will help someone else. In that spirit, I offer the following suggestions to help spouses. Depending on your lifestyle and the country where you are living, some suggestions may not be applicable. Please adjust as necessary to your situation.
Prior to the newcomers' arrival, make contact with the spouse (preferably via email or telephone). Provide as much practical, day-to-day living information as possible.Instead of asking, "What do you want to know?" anticipate what information will be useful. If you are living at a hardship post, tell what is available locally and what is not. When people can't find items they need, tell what can they do. This type of information gives newcomers an idea of what to expect and can help them plan a consumables order.
If you are living at a hardship post where getting familiar foods is a problem, you can make the new family's first few days easier by suggesting items they may want to hand carry with them. For example, where I am living, peanut butter and American breakfast cereals are not available. Period. Had I known, I would have put these items in my excess baggage.
Ask ahead of time what kinds of food and supplies the newcomers would like to have on-hand in their home or apartment when they arrive.Find out if there are any special needs, such as allergies to specific foods or a vegetarian in the family. The newcomer won't necessarily know what's available locally, so why not make suggestions and build a list from there? Don't forget to include supplies such as food storage wraps and bags, as well as dishwashing and housecleaning needs. If you ask, "What do you want me to get for you?", you put the burden on the newcomer. Newcomers will appreciate your suggestions and can add or adjust to their individual needs.
Check the condition of the welcome kit prior to the newcomers' arrival.If a kit is in poor condition or if items are missing, contact GSO to see what can be done. Also, newcomers will appreciate clean dishes and towels. It may not be an enjoyable task to wash items, but your taking the time to do so will make a big difference to those who have to use them.
If newcomers are coming from a long, direct flight to post and are likely to be very tired, wait until the second evening to invite them to dinner.My husband and I arrived in our new apartment, had two hours to relax, then were off to a dinner. The only problem was that we had just completed a very long, tiring airline flight and then experienced further delays at the airport when our luggage had been delayed. Though the dinner was wonderful, I was so exhausted and "jet-lagged" that I could not eat. When newcomers arrive after a long flight and may experience jet lag, I suggest inviting them to lunch or dinner the second evening. Having the first night to relax and settle in is helpful.
Have a prepared dish (such as a casserole) in the refrigerator ready for the newcomer's first evening. Prepare familiar foods.
Chances are the newcomers will have to get used to local food that will be different from what they are used to eating. If you are living in a country known for its fine cuisine, this is not a problem. In hardship posts, this is not the case. To make the transition easier, I suggest preparing a basic and familiar American recipe. Spaghetti, meat loaf, pizza, pasta salads, vegetable salads, casseroles are all examples. If there are children in a family, this is especially important.
If newcomers will be living in an apartment, find out ahead of time where the trash needs to be taken. If there are non-American appliances in the apartment, show newcomers how to operate them.These are issues specific to city-living. It may sound trivial to tell people where to deposit trash, but if you are living in a country where you don't speak the language (and the local language is a very difficult one to learn), knowing where to deposit your trash makes your transition easier. This is also true when trying to figure out how to use non-American wash machines and dishwashers. If instruction books are in a language you don't speak, having someone show how to operate appliances is a big help.
If you live in the neighborhood where the newcomers are, take them around to show them convenient shopping places. If you don't know the neighborhood, find someone else in the community who can help show the newcomer and family around.Showing newcomers (especially spouses) where to shop saves time. It also helps them to learn the area more quickly. A lot of my first week at post was spent "pounding the pavement" trying to buy food and supplies. Though I eventually figured things out on my own, I would have learned faster had someone been there to "show me the ropes".
To be an effective sponsor, put yourself in the newcomers' place.You are the newcomers' greatest resource. What can you do to make the arrival, first day, and first weeks easier? The suggestions I have listed are food for thought. Remember, the longer you have been at post, the farther you are away from the newcomer experience. Think back to your experience as a newcomer. What went right? What went wrong? Build from there to make the next person's transition the best it can be.
The author is the spouse of a DCM in a large embassy at a hardship post. She has asked that her name be withheld, so as not to embarrass her sponsors.