through this website, AAFSW receives a small percentage to help fund out activities and services. AAFSW is also affiliated with 
A Year and a Half In...
By Joanne Grady Huskey
I wish I could say that I have settled in easily, but I have not. After all, I have been back in the United States over a year. On the surface, all is well. My children are doing fine. Daily life is calm. We are safe, but perhaps a bit bored. The competitive fast paced life is not all that appealing to me. I know there are other ways to live, and the thought lingers and makes me restless.
We are continually challenged by the adventure of life, uplifted by the joys, but cognizant of the struggles. Somehow after living through the events in Kenya, everything is more profound and life is more precious. I cannot waste my time on trivial pursuits. That leaves me with the task of defining what is really important. I have taken my time with this task. My highest priority has been to my children and to making their lives comfortable and stable. I am the only stable thing in their lives and that is a responsibility I take very seriously.
I notice the foreigners who try to integrate into our little elementary school. They have a look in their eyes that I can empathize with. Is it fear, loneliness, homesickness, disorientation, or longing? I am drawn to them, rather than to my American compatriots. Somehow the mothers and fathers who have been here, taking their children to soccer and piano since pre-school have not so much in common with me. I feel more drawn to the little girl from China who waits in line for school to start, alone. The other kids don't speak with her. Of course, she speaks Chinese. She hides her face in her Chinese book, and pretends that it doesn't matter that she has no friends, but it breaks my heart.
The other day I saw a child sobbing and holding onto her mother, not wanting to go into school. She and her family had just moved here from Zambia. School was terrifying, so many changes at once, so different and she so all alone. Not even knowing her, I wanted to help her. I know Africa and I know it is different! I have been in her exact same position and it is so hard.
I don't know if what we do to our children and to ourselves by living this global existence is good in the end. Is it character building, or does it scar us? Will understanding the world help us cope with the unknown global future? Or is that lost sense of security irreparable?
Getting our footing, our grounding, our sense of ourselves in each new place is critical to our well being. "Being there" is required for effectiveness, and yet it takes some time to transplant all of our energy and being to a new place. All of the experts say to be gentle with oneself and give yourself time. But life is short and time is precious. How many of the years can you spend just getting settled? The learning curve is steep at first and then it tapers off and you begin to feel the changes that have occurred. It is up to us to integrate them.
What is the key to integration? Do I not hope that the little girl from China and the little girl from Zambia somehow get integrated into the school, and somehow feel integrated in mind and spirit with where they are living? I suppose I do, and yet then what happens when they have to leave again? How much change can be tolerated before it splinters the spirit. We want to be adaptable, we want our children to be tolerant of differences, we want our families to be ready for the global future, yet we also must pass on the sense of rootedness that allows for conviction and confidence and effectiveness.
The family is one place to do this. It requires focus and commitment to family first. Perhaps that is why I have not rushed out to work in this frenzied world, thus splintering my family in more pieces. I am striving for integration for all of us in mind and spirit. That is the only way I can make sense out of our lifestyle. That is the only way for effectiveness. I often wish that there would be some easy remedy to help people in transition cope and move on. It is hard work and it takes every ounce of concentration you have. After a year plus, I am still learning.
© 2001 Joanne Grady Huskey. All rights reserved.
Joanne Grady Huskey is a cross-cultural trainer and relocation specialist. She is a foreign service spouse and teaches courses at the Overseas Briefing Center at the National Foreign Affairs Training Center. She has accompanied her husband on tours in Beijing,China; Madras, India, and Nairobi, Kenya. For her work with disabled people in China, she was the 1991 recipient of the Secretary of State's award for volunteerism in Asia and the Pacific. They have two children and are presently living in the US.