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The
Cyberspouse: May, 2003
The Cyberspouse Stays Home
Congratulations! Your spouse has been accepted into the Foreign Service, and now you'll be able to do what you've always said you wanted to do: stay home with your kids.
Or, you really intended to work at post, but there's no job that pays enough to justify leaving your kids with a local nanny all day.
Or, you've returned to Washington after several overseas tours and found that you don't really want to go back to work full-time after all (and probably couldn't afford day care anyway!)
Whether staying at home with your kids is your lifelong goal, an opportunity to be taken advantage of while it lasts, or simply where you ended up by default, you are now officially a stay-at-home parent. You will probably have plenty of company at post, if not among American Embassy spouses, then in the wider expatriate community. Sometimes we forget that we are not only trailing spouses, we are also stay-at-home parents, and therefore part of a much larger demographic group! Even if you have lots of stay-at-home friends at post, you may need a little more. More advice, more ideas, more support, and more adult contact while the baby is sleeping!
Stay-at-home parents have built a thriving community in cyberspace. Websites often center on subgroups: for example, Christian parents, parents who intend to go back to work, parents who work from home, homeschoolers, etc. While you will mostly encounter stay-at-home Moms (SAHMs) there are also communities for stay-at-home Dads (SAHDs.) The one thing that everyone has in common is having made the conscious choice to stay home with their children. That's all that really matters. You will never have to explain why you don't have a "real job" to anyone in this virtual community!
Online articles and message board conversations range from the daily trials of caring for very young children to the more philosophical questions asked by parents of older children, such as how to have an identity beyond caring for your family. As staying home by definition means getting by on less than two incomes, frugality, creativity, and part-time home business opportunities are also hot topics. Enjoying the experience of staying at home is a thread that runs throughout these websites.
The Cyberspouse encourages you to take advantage of these resources to build yourself a virtual support network!
General Sites for Stay-at-Home Parents
http://www.familyandhome.org/
The Family and Home Network, formerly known as Mothers At Home, may be
the oldest online community for stay-at-home parents. Publishers of Welcome
Home magazine and several books on parenting at home. Based in Fairfax,
Virginia. Annual membership ($22 as of this writing) grants access to
private areas of the site. Lots of links to more specialized groups, such
as Midlife Mommies.
http://mainstreetmom.com/
"The magazine for modern mothers with traditional values," Main
Street Mom is a comprehensive community for SAHMs. The quality of the
articles is generally high, and the message boards are quite active, divided
into useful subject areas such as Running a Home on a Moderate Budget,
or Homeschooling.
http://www.momsclub.org/
Moms Offering Moms Support is a general network for SAHMs. Local chapters
in the Washington, D.C. metro area.
http://www.mochamoms.org/
Mocha Moms is a support group for stay at home mothers who have chosen
not to work full-time outside of the home in order to devote more time
to their families. Local chapters in the Washington, D.C. area.
http://www.mops.org
Mothers of Preschoolers is a Christian organization is for all Moms, but
strongly supports stay-at-home parents. National network, local activities,
playgroups, etc.
http://www.slowlane.com/index.html
Slowlane.com is an extensive online resource for stay-at-home Dads. Articles,
local activities, message boards.
http://homeparents.about.com/mbody.htm
About.com has an entire section devoted to stay-at-home parents. Some
of the links are outdated, but it's still worth a look.
http://groups.yahoo.com
Try Yahoo! Groups for dozens of email groups for stay-at-home parents.
Homemaking Skills and Frugality:
http://www.newhomemaker.com
Online publication for any "household engineer." Huge archive
of articles on every subject from cleaning to budgeting. Focus on frugal
or all-natural housekeeping methods.
http://www.organizedhome.com/
Well-designed site has a small collection of useful articles, and a discussion
forum for the organizationally challenged.
http://www.stretcher.com/index.cfm
Low-tech site has a huge archive of "The Dollar Stretcher" email
newsletter, going back several years. Lots of useful money-saving tips.
Washington, D.C. Area Resources:
http://www.mothersfirst.org
"Supporting Women Making the Transition to At-Home Motherhood."
This group is for mothers who intend to go back to work eventually. Local
activities, support groups, networks.
http://dcmetrodads.com/
A regional organization for stay-at-home Dads in the Washington, D.C.
metro area. Lots of activities, support, and networking opportunities
for SAHDs.
See also some of the General Resources, above, or check out this page at Our-Kids.com for more Washington, D.C. area parents' groups. http://www.our-kids.com/support_groups.shtml.
Search for email groups for stay-at-home parents in the Washington, D.C. area at Yahoo! Groups http://groups.yahoo.com.
Please also see our Websites for Parents page for more Washington area resources for stay-at-home parents!
The Cyberspouse is contributed by Kelly Bembry Midura, website designer, freelance writer, stay-at-home parent, and veteran Foreign Service Spouse. She is currently working on a book about frugal living for families in the Washington, DC area. Click here to read more "Cyberspouse" columns. Email Kelly at kelly@aafsw.org.